I know not what I do

Most of us can remember when we where children doing something we knew better than to do, and then being questioned by our parents:  why did you do that?  answer:  I don't know.

Why did you break the window, I don't know
Why did you not do your homework, I don't know
Why did you hit your sister, I don't know
Why did you break curfew, I don't know

The list could go on and on... my father used to say he should have named one of his children "I don't know" that we he could have known who did it.

We knew the rules, we broke the rules; however the real answer as to why we did is simple, I don't know why.  Maybe curiosity.  I've never really thought myself as a rebellious child.  I don't think I ever intentionally broke rules just to tick my parents off.  I really don't know why I did the things I did.

Things don't change much in adulthood.  I find myself Identifying with Paul when he wrote:

 ^15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Ro 7:15., NIV)

I find everything within me wanting to do the things Christ wants me to do.  I want to be His representative, I want to be His role model.  I want to be a great pastor, leader, husband, father, friend, and brother.  But yet, I'm constantly not understanding myself.  I want to do the right things, I want to be that Godly leader, and yet I keep finding myself doing the things I get mad at others for.

Sounds like hypocrisy doesn't it.  I guess in a way it is.  The difference is, I feel bad about it.  Knowing the things I should do and not, and doing the things I shouldn't doesn't make us hypocrites, it makes us human.

What makes us hypocrites, is knowing the difference and NOT doing anything about it.

We know what we are supposed to do, we strive to do what we are supposed to do, but yet we still fail.  We know what the law says, we know what Christ says, but yet we still find ourselves doing what we know better than.  We are a work in progress, we are on a journey and on this journey we find our selves admitting this:

Hello, my name is Chris and I know not what I do...