It's not in the best times of life that you learn who you have quality friendships with, it's when times are not so good that you learn this. As many of you can relate in life, when things are going good it seems everyone is your friend, but when its not.. well you know.
Life has a way of weeding this out for us. Life is full of surprises, full of ups, full of downs, times of greatness, times of darkness, days of hope, and days of wondering what in the world am I doing. A friend is someone who sees you through all of that. They never leave your side. That kind of friendship, is very hard to find.
There is no better Biblical mandate for that (other than Jesus) than David and Jonathon. In this blog we will walk through these verses and pull out what it takes to cultivate a quality Godly friendship.
First, Something has to Click and then Commit:
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. (1 Sa 18:1-4., NIV)
You ever met someone and right away you just "click", get along, and have a lot to talk about. This happened with David and Johnathan. They immediately where comfortable with each other. They where "pals", almost inseparable. They could make each other laugh, they would tell stories, and they just enjoyed being around each other. Jonathon gave him his most precious personal items: tunic, sword, bow, and belt. Yep, they clicked and committed their friendship.
Second, is be willing to Defend them:
4 Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. 5 He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The Lord won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?” (1 Sa 19:4-5., NIV)
We find a lot of people in life that we will click with. Most of us are pretty easy going. It's this part of friendship where we really learn where our quality relationships are. It is the part of the relationship where someone is willing to defend you regardless of possible consequences. In this incident Jonathon was willing to stand before his own flesh and blood, his father, and stand up for his friend. He knew that David had done no wrong, so therefore he confronted his father and reminded him of how great David really was. Saul had become insecure because God was using David to accomplish some great things, Saul had once been that guy. Saul had once been the one that God was using in tremendous ways. Now instead of enjoying the benefits of what David was doing in the kingdom for God and Saul, Saul became jealous and insecure. So insecure he had taken out a bounty on David's head. Someone needed to intervene, someone needed speak up, and someone needed to defend David because he could not.
If you ever find someone that is willing to put their own personal interests to the side and stare consequences in the face for you, please hold on to their friendship, because a person like that doesn't come along very often.
Thirdly, Be willing to Help
12 Then Jonathan said to David: “By the Lord, the God of Israel, I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? 13 But if my father is inclined to harm you, may the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away safely. May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father. (1 Sa 20:12-14., NIV)
It's one thing to be willing to defend you, but Jonathan takes it a step even further and helps when no one else will. The truth needed to be known. Saul was trying to make everyone believe that he wasn't trying to do anything to David. So Jonathon devises a plan to figure it out. He decides at the New Moon feast to feel his father out and determine the truth. At this festival David is pretty much expected to be at dinner, but Jonathon tell him to hang back and he will find out his father's intentions. At this dinner Jonathon pushes his father until Saul breaks and blurts out:
30 Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? 31 As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he must die!” (1 Sa 20:30-31., NIV)
I'm not going to literally translate vs. 30, but it is pretty rough.
So, if you can find a quality friendship that will not only defend you but step in and help you, work even harder to keep them.
Last is having that friend that will encourage you:
16 And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 17 “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” 18 The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh. (1 Sa 23:16-18., NIV)
Jonathan senses that David was at his wits end. So he went to find him for one reason: to encourage him or as the verse puts it, "help him find strength in God". We all need that sometimes. We need someone who will sense when we are in our greatest time of need, and have them come to us and help us find that strength when we need it the most. What Jonathon says here is huge. Let me explain. Normally the next in line to the throne is the son, so under normal circumstances it would the Jonathon to succeed his father as king. In this verse you see Jonathon tell David that it will be David as king and not him. David is not even related to Saul. There is a lot of humility here. Jonathon could have ensured his place as king by letting Saul do away with David. But he didn't.
In this relationship between David and Jonathon there is so much self-sacrifice, it is the most beautiful picture of friendship. It also puts a challenge up there for us, for me. Cultivating friendships like this is so hard, and so rare. It challenges me to be someone like Jonathon, and I know i'm not even close.
If you ever find a Jonathon in life, hold on to them because there are not many.
In life we will have a lot of friends come and go. Sometimes we move, change jobs, interest may change, or may just grow apart and that dissolves friendships. I have some that I talk to everyday, some every other day, some just periodic. Some I can not talk to for weeks and yet they still know I love them and we pick right up where we left off when we do chat. I like having the friendship that I can be me, the real me. The me that likes to be goofy, the me that likes to laugh, and the me who doesn't have to take himself so seriously all the time.
Every friendship we ever have is for a reason and for a season. Some last a few years, and some will last a lifetime. Learn to appreciate everyone for what it is. Life has a way of showing which ones are of the highest quality.
Chris
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