13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Col. 3:13, NIV)
32 Be kind
and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32, NIV)
I have been in the process of
working through forgiving someone from a very personal wrong that was done to
me. It has been a long painstaking
process. It has caused me to have to
bring up memories that are neither pleasant or fun to have to recall. The bigger difficulty of the situation is
that the person who wronged me is dead and gone, so the question goes how do I
confront and deal with someone who has wronged me in the past now that they are
gone. How do I get closure, and how do I
get past it. Forgiveness.
Forgiveness means to release from an
obligation, or to release from a wrong that was incurred. Forgiveness is not easy to give and sometimes
is not easy to receive. When you forgive
you are not approving the action, you are not repressing the action, but you
are releasing someone them and yourself from the offense that was done. It is in essence hitting the delete button.
So I am working on what is known as
“unilateral forgiveness”. Unilateral
forgiveness is forgiving someone who has either not offered an apology for the
wrong doing or is unable to offer the apology (such as in death or no point of
contact).
When Jesus was on the cross He
offered humanity unilateral forgiveness:
4 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what
they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV).
We didn’t ask for it, He just gave
it, out of His own freewill.
When you and I offer forgiveness to
someone who has neither offered the apology or can give it, we are not only
letting them go from it, but we are also letting ourselves go from having to
carry the anger, bitterness, and sadness from the wrong that occurred. When someone wrongs us like the way I was,
the cut runs deep and it seems like I just can’t forgive them or that they don’t
deserve it. The pain will probably
always be there, however I allow the pain to worsen when I still allow them to
control me. I am in the process of
allowing myself to release this person from the debt I feel they owe me,
because there is no way I will ever get the apology or the justice I feel I deserve.
So I find myself asking this
question, “what do I do now?” I have a
choice in front of me I can choose to continue to allow them to control me even
though they are dead, or I can release them and essence release myself so that
I may move on. I choose life, I choose
to move on. It is not going to be easy,
but I must continue to move and grow.
With God’s help I know I can, because He has a plan.
