unilateral forgiveness

^13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Col. 3:13, NIV)

 

^32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32, NIV)

 

I have been in the process of working through forgiving someone from a very personal wrong that was done to me.  It has been a long painstaking process.  It has caused me to have to bring up memories that are neither pleasant or fun to have to recall.  The bigger difficulty of the situation is that the person who wronged me is dead and gone, so the question goes how do I confront and deal with someone who has wronged me in the past now that they are gone.  How do I get closure, and how do I get past it.  Forgiveness.

Forgiveness means to release from an obligation, or to release from a wrong that was incurred.  Forgiveness is not easy to give and sometimes is not easy to receive.  When you forgive you are not approving the action, you are not repressing the action, but you are releasing someone them and yourself from the offense that was done.  It is in essence hitting the delete button.

 So I am working on what is known as “unilateral forgiveness”.  Unilateral forgiveness is forgiving someone who has either not offered an apology for the wrong doing or is unable to offer the apology (such as in death or no point of contact). 

 When Jesus was on the cross He offered humanity unilateral forgiveness: 

^4 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV).

 We didn’t ask for it, He just gave it, out of His own freewill.

 When you and I offer forgiveness to someone who has neither offered the apology or can give it, we are not only letting them go from it, but we are also letting ourselves go from having to carry the anger, bitterness, and sadness from the wrong that occurred.  When someone wrongs us like the way I was, the cut runs deep and it seems like I just can’t forgive them or that they don’t deserve it.  The pain will probably always be there, however I allow the pain to worsen when I still allow them to control me.  I am in the process of allowing myself to release this person from the debt I feel they owe me, because there is no way I will ever get the apology or the justice I feel I deserve.

 So I find myself asking this question, “what do I do now?”  I have a choice in front of me I can choose to continue to allow them to control me even though they are dead, or I can release them and essence release myself so that I may move on.  I choose life, I choose to move on.  It is not going to be easy, but I must continue to move and grow.  With God’s help I know I can, because He has a plan.