my friday run

When I woke up this morning I was extremely hesitant about running today.  My reasons, albeit more like excuses where:  I ran yesterday, the route yesterday had more hills hence I am sore, and I just don't like running back to back days because my time gets worse instead of better.  But I went anyway.

I am so glad I did.  I had my second best 3 mile time ever (33 minutes, 11.13 mile).  I was so excited because my goal is to do 3 miles in 30 minutes.  But that's not the only reason I am glad I did.

God has a way of speaking to me while I'm running.  Running gives me the ability to clear my mind of all things.

At the end of mile 1 my coach (the app on my phone) informed me that my pace was 10.20 mile.  I was pumped and I was going to do everything I could to keep it up.  I know I'm approaching mile 2 and I feel myself slowing.  I'm trying to coach myself to pick back up the pace.  Then I hit mile 2, app says 10:58 mile.  I'm really trying to push myself now, feeling I got this.  Then I hit 2.5 miles.  My mind begins to doubt, I begin to say to myself you can't keep this pace up.  then my pace slows down.  Disappointment.  Fear.  Lack of belief.

Then this little voice  inside my head says to me, "Chris, what just happened to you in running happens in your life, I start doing great things in your life and then you doubt and slow down."  Then Psalm 46:10 came to mind, "Be still and know that I am God."

I picked back up the pace, mile 3 was 12.03.  Isn't that amazing I lost a minute in that final mile because I hesitated, I doubted.

I don't want to miss a minute of anything You want in my life God.  Help me to remember to "be still and know your God."

ps, as strange as it sounds my time of being still is when I run......

Chris

If I was there

I have been thinking this week in light of Easter, What if I was a disciple during the time following the crucifixion of Jesus?  Most people if asked would undoubtedly say, "I would be like John, I would be Jesus' top disciple, oh I would follow Him all the way...".  However, I'm going to be honest....  Today's blog is more of a narrative as I try to put myself into the life of one of the disciples following the crucifixion.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME"!!!!
The mere words coming out of my mouth startled me.  I sat in the dark.  I don't think I had ever felt so alone in my life.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't know where the others where.  The plan was that we would meet together to develop our next plan of action soon, but I wasn't sure when.  What are we supposed to do now?  What am I supposed to do now?  I don't know that I have ever felt so empty, lost, and confused.

I hear footsteps outside, "are they coming for me" I thought.  I will be next.  I tried to hold my breath.  Make no sound, or they will hear me.  "Where are the others" I wondered.  "I can't handle this", I thought, "I will just turn myself in".  I have got to get it together.  I hear more footsteps.... Nope was a cat. 

I spent the night in the ally, It was the darkest place I could find.  I drifted in and out of sleep most of the night because I could hear the soldiers walking up and down the streets.  They are looking for us, I can't let them find me.

All night long I was trying so hard to figure out what we did wrong?  Why did we let Him go?  Why did He not fight being arrested?  Why did He just give up?  If He was the Son of God, why did He allow them to Crucify Him?  I can't believe I just thought that, get it together man.  You saw the miracles, you heard His teachings, for goodness sakes you prayed with Him.  I felt overwhelmed with guilt as my belief wavered.

"Jesus, I need you," I said to myself, "I need something, NOW."

Nothing, ugh.  I have to do something.  I got up, brushed myself off and tried to cover my head and face as much as I could as not to be recognized.  The sun had come up as I walked to the end of the ally that lead to the marketplace.  No soldiers in sight, I exhaled for what seemed forever, and stepped out into the street.  The hustle and bustle of the morning in the marketplace was a perfect cover to move about.  It seemed like everyone I walked past was talking about the events of the last couple of days.  I tried to ignore them and what they where saying.

I looked forward and suddenly held my breath.  Great, soldiers.

Don't look them in the eyes, avoid eye contact, scurry past. 

I walked past them expecting at any moment one of them to grab me.  After several steps past them, I finally exhaled after holding my breath for what seemed like an eternity.  I picked up the pace a little, I felt I needed to get out of the marketplace, get out of Jerusalem.  The only thing I felt I could do now is get out of town, start a new life somewhere, but it can't be here.

I tried to get out of Jerusalem, but I just couldn't.  As I got to the very edge of the city, I had this overwhelming feeling that just wouldn't let me.

"Where are they?", I wondered, "I need some friendly faces".

I laid down for the night near the back gate of Jerusalem.  I was facing another night alone, left with just me and my memories of my Jesus.

Early the next morning, a boy that couldn't have been more than seven, shook me awake.

"Sir, sir", He said, "this is for you! I have been looking for you, They have been looking for you".

"Who?", I asked, "the Soldiers?"  "No", He said, "the note, I'm supposed to find you and give you this note."

He handed me a small scroll rolled up and ran off.  I hurried with my hands shaking and opened the scroll:

"Meet us in the place, Hurry....", signed John.

The place?  That could only mean.... the guys are back together.  Maybe they will have some answers for me, and I hurried off to the upper room.

I was nearly out of breath when I arrived, I was so happy to walk into the room and see those friendly faces.  John rushed up and embraced me, He is such a good leader and friend.  There seemed to be a general excitement going on.  I was so confused, I had such a horrible several days, how in the world can my friends be this way?  I felt so bad, they felt so good.  It kind of irritated me to tell you the truth.  Our mentor, our leader, our Rabbi was crucified guys, how can you be so excited, I thought.

I had enough, "Come on guys, how can you act like this, with all that has happened?"

"We have seen the Lord!!" (John 20:24) they said.

"Excuse me", I thought.  I stood there for a minute trying to let this soak in.

Then John recounted the story:

^19 On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ^20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

^21 Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ^22 And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ^23 If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” (Jn 20:19-23. NIV)

 

I just stood there for a minute, looking for the words to say.  Everyone just stared at me.  I was confused, how could this be?  I waited for what seemed like an eternity.  I was frustrated, before I knew it, the words came out:

 

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” (Jn 20:25. NIV)

 

Then I stormed out of the room.

 

"What did he just say?", I heard one of my friends say.  Then John came after me.

 

"Where are you going?", he asked.  "I just need some time", is all I could say.  With that I left.

I spent the next seven days wandering about Jerusalem aimlessly.  Trying to pull myself together, and staying out of sight of the Jews and Roman Soldiers.

 

At the end of the week John found me, he asked me to join them again.  John and I walked together back to the place.  We talked about how the week had been.  He asked if I had been thinking about our last meeting and what I had said.  I absolutely had thought about it all week.  It was driving me crazy.  For seven days now the thought consumed my every minute.  I tried to recall and grasp everything Jesus had told me, but as hard as I tried I still could not wrap my head around it.

 

We arrived at the room upstairs, and John locked the door behind us.  I looked around at my friends, they all seemed to have a general concern about me.  Oh, how I have missed them.  They welcomed me as loving as they always have.

 Then, the voice I had longed to hear.  The caring voice of the one whom I have missed the most came:

 

“Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” (Jn 20:27. NIV)

My knees grew weak, my heart fluttered, and my mind raced.  I looked up and there He was.  Jesus looked so different, but yet it was Him.  Here He was now standing right in front of me.  I rubbed my eyes.  Every thing Jesus had taught me, every miracle I had seen flashed before me, and every prayer we had recited together raced through my mind.  Like a rush of strong wind everything all of a sudden made sense.  Jesus is who He said He was!!

 

Tears rolled down my face and I exclaimed, "My Lord and My God!" (John 20:28)

 

^29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  (Jn 20:29.)

 

I embraced my Jesus, It was Him, It was really Him!!

 

This is a whole new ballgame, I MUST TELL OTHERS!!!!

 

*please note these are my thoughts if I where a disciple, and I think I would have been most like Thomas.  I'm not saying that this is how Thomas felt, it was simply my perspective as a narrative.  There are actual verses of scripture as noted.

 

Happy Easter.  It is true, He is alive therefore so am I.

 

Chris

memory problems

Anyone who knows me well enough knows I have memory problems. I often tell people that if you want me to remember something don't just tell me, but tell me AND hand me a note.  When I say my memory is bad, it is really bad.  I have a hard time remembering the simplest things.  I am writing notes and putting them on my steering wheel in my car if I need to make a stop on way home (this cracks my wife up). 

Why is my memory so bad?  Who knows maybe its stress, maybe age, maybe 4 daughters, or maybe its because my brain is so full that it can't handle anymore (insert laughter here).

Forgetting something is so frustrating.

I forget things I need to remember, and yet I remember things I wished I could forget.

I wished I could erase some of my greatest failures in life.  I wished I could forget the list of mistakes.  I wished I could forget the pain I caused people.  I wished I could forget a lot.

God willingly forgets.

“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (Je 31:34. NIV)

Forgetting our sins is something God WANTS to do, its something He is WILLING to do.  Its not frustrating for Him, its His desire.


^9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 Jn 1:9.NIV)


It all begins with confession (or agreeing with God).  Nothing is hidden from Him.  When confess (or agree with) God there is NEVER a time that He will not forgive.  Ever.  No matter what I have done, will do today, or in the future God is faithful.  The word forgiveness in scripture means, "as if it never happened".

I'm often reminded of the things I do wrong, but it is never God that brings them up, its me.  It's like I can't let them go, I can't forgive myself, or I won't forgive myself.  Then there is "others" in my life.  You know, the one's who have wronged us.  The list is long.  Not only the ones I have wronged, but the ones who willingly did me wrong.

We don't like to forget what they have done either.  We like to hold it over their head for, well forever.  The strange thing is that we want people to forgive and forget what we have done, but yet we don't want to forgive and forget what is done to us.  Kind of ironic isn't it.  God doesn't work that way.  He doesn't hold things against us.  When He forgives, He remembers no more. ever.

Today would you experience the forgiveness of God.  Would you confess your wrong to Him. 

Today would you experience the forgiveness of yourself.

Today would you experience to forgiveness of someone else.

Let it go, experience the freedom of not having to hold on to the bad memories and grudges.

Have a great day, Chris

broken hearted

Many of us have experienced a broken heart.  Maybe it was a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife that tore your heart out, ripped it up, and then threw it down on the ground and stomped on it.  Maybe it was a family member that treated you like an enemy instead of a blood relative.  Maybe it was a close friend that treated you like you where all of a sudden their worst enemy.  Yes, we know what it is to be broken hearted.

But have you ever been broken hearted over those who are not seeking the face of God.  Have you ever been broken hearted over the people of God, who know better but don't.  Have you ever poured yourself into others so much that you feel utterly empty inside, just to have them be totally opposite of what your desire is.

God was so frustrated with His people in the book of Jeremiah that three times He told Jeremiah to stop praying for the people:

^16 “So do not pray for this people nor offer any plea or petition for them; do not plead with me, for I will not listen to you. (Je 7:16, NIV)

^14 “Do not pray for this people nor offer any plea or petition for them, because I will not listen when they call to me in the time of their distress.  (Je 11:14, NIV)

^11 Then the Lord said to me, “Do not pray for the well-being of this people. (Je 14:11, NIV)

God has made it very clear to Jeremiah in this book that the people are not listening to Him, they are very prideful (they actually told Jeremiah that since they are God's people He wouldn't really do anything to them), and that He should not pray for the people because God is not going to listen.  God is very slow to anger, so we know this was a very long time coming.  The time is now here.  God is going to do what He has to do in order to get their attention.  I don't want to focus on what Israel was doing, How God punished them, or even why God punished them. 

I want to focus on Jeremiah and how he felt.  He felt broken hearted:

“‘Let my eyes overflow with tears night and day without ceasing (Je 14:17a, NIV)

Jeremiah had poured so much of his life into the people.  He used all of his time, energy, and gifts God had given him into helping the people.  He had emptied himself so much that it was giving him deep emotional wounds:


^18 Why is my pain unending and my wound grievous and incurable? (Je 15:18., NIV)
Jeremiah felt like he had let God down, the people down, and himself down because nothing he had done was changing the people.

Can you feel Jeremiah's pain?  Can you Identify with him?

Jeremiah is probably wondering:
How could I not reach them?  Did I teach something wrong?  Was I not stern enough?  Did I not teach something God wanted me to? 

How is it possible that I worked and worked on trying to help them, and yet they still refused to listen?

The more Jeremiah thought about it the deeper he sunk into broken heartedness, the more he blamed himself, and the more he doubted his abilities.  Therefore, he became ineffective.

Until, God responded:

^19 Therefore this is what the Lord says: “If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me;

if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you,

but you must not turn to them. ^20 I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you but will not overcome you,

for I am with you to rescue and save you,” declares the Lord.  (Je 15:19-20, NIV)

God responded in a big way, and pulled Jeremiah out of his deep pit of despair.  He told him to:

1. Repent.  Are you kidding me?  what did he do?  He was wallowing in self-pity which is a sin.  He was focused on Himself and because of it, his words were worthless.
2. Let them come to you.  Don't stoop to their level.  Don't play their game.
3. Be strong.  Like a wall.  Be an example.

Being broken hearted for people is not a bad thing, but you and I cannot let it deter from doing His work.  We should be broken hearted over the people, just not to the extent that it renders us ineffective.

Be strong in the Lord....

Chris

 

 

 

 

betrayed by someone close

"Keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer" -

Some believe it was Sun-tzu Chinese general & military strategist who said this.  However,  his quotation was different. He said, "Know your enemy and know yourself and you will always be victorious." And while "Micheal Coreleone" did say that in the movie, the actual origin of the quote was from Machiavelli in "The Prince" which is the definitive primer for how to be a dictator.

The first part of the quotation means that you always want to keep your friends close to you because they are people you can trust and rely on.
The second part of this means that your enemies are always going to be out there seeking to harm you so you want to keep an extremely close eye on them in order to make sure that they are not going to hurt you.

Overall, it means that you should always know what your enemies are doing. As a war tactic, know what the enemy is doing so you don't get ambushed. (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_said_'Keep_your_friends_close_and_your_enemies_closer')

I have developed a general lack of trust in people when it comes to friendships, so as not to sound cynical let me explain.  The story may sound familiar to you, because it has happened to you (and me) at some point.

(I must say this:  your going to read this blog and think oh my goodness what happened, who did this?  It's not that, it's not a specific problem, instance, or person.  In reality this is a circle that keeps happening over and over not only in my life but people I talk to.)

You get close to someone, spend a lot of time with them, you begin to share your dreams, hopes, fears, and ambitions.  You begin to think this is the person, this is the friend that I can trust.  You begin to get closer and then you begin to find out that they aren't the person you thought they where.  You begin to find out they have an agenda, that it wasn't just because they wanted to be your friend its because they needed something from you, and then it falls apart.  You put the walls back up and put the fake smile back on.

It happened to Jesus, but His smile wasn't fake and He built no wall.

Luke 19:41, "^41 As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it" (NIV)

To the crowds following Jesus this entry of Jesus back to Jerusalem was a huge party, they where shouting and praising God, laying cloaks down as a sign of respect, and laying palm branches down as Jesus arrived.  It was a grand and glorious scene, and yet as Jesus approached this... he wept.  So the question is posed:  WHY??  for the same reason I have issues and you have issues with people.  These same people that where praising Him that day would be the exact same ones to cry "CRUCIFY him" 5 days later.

^42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes. ^43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. ^44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”  (Lk 19:42-44., NIV)

I personally believe there are more reasons He wept, such as the pain and suffering that He knew was coming, the feeling of being abandoned by His disciples, the thought of knowing one of your 12 would be the ones to betray you, the thought of all the sin of mankind falling on Him, and also maybe tears of joy in knowing God chose Him to be Savior of the world.

So back to trust.  I'm trying to work through this as to not be so fearful that everyone that is close to me wants something out of me, this issue of waiting for the next "friend" to verbally assault me behind my back, or throw me under the bus.  Jesus knows how I feel.  There is comfort in that.  There is hope in that.

It's not that I WANT to always be on my guard and wait for the next person in line to betray me.  I don't like having to always be watching my back. I can't stand being lied to, especially to my face.

And then I the thought comes, wait have I done this?  Have I talked about someone?  have I been the betrayer?  I do not want to become what I despise.  I don't want to make someone feel that feeling that I have felt on many times.

Jesus pushed on.  He wept, yes.  Then He moved on to the temple and He taught.  He spent the rest of the week pouring Himself into these very same people that would (and did) betray Him.

So yes, people will sing praises to you one day and pat you on the back and then a couple of days later they can (and do) become your worst enemy.  It is what some would call a "necessary evil", it's an unfortunate part of life.

I'm not alone, you are not alone.

True friendship is hard to find.  Trust is hard to get, and trust is hard to give.

Following the example of Jesus in this is so hard.  You and I are to pour ourselves into people without thinking of the consequences of "what happens if I let my guard down".  Self-sacrifice.  Humility.  This should be me, and though I may try I am not there yet.  I try to get past the hurt, pain, and fear.  I have got to let go and not allow past experiences dictate future expectations.

So we trudge forward, trying so hard to follow Christ's example and not look back.

If this has happened to you, may the healing begin.

If I have betrayed you, I am sorry from the inner most depths of my being and may you heal from the wound I may have caused.

As for me.... I'm working on it.

Chris

I apologize if my blog was "all over the place" this morning, as I read my devotion so many thoughts where running through mind that I had problems putting them into words, to those who know me, well you get it....

Welcome or Not Welcome, that is the question

As churches, and as Christians, we like to say this a lot.  You are welcome at my church.  You are welcome in my flock.  It doesn't matter how you dress.  It doesn't matter what color of skin.  It doesn't matter your background, etc.

The question is:  Do we really mean that?

A resounding thing keeps coming up in my personal Bible reading.  Let me give you examples:

In Matthew 19:13-15 a bunch of children had gotten to Jesus and see Him and talk to Him, and the Disciples rebuked them and tried to send them away.

In Matthew 20:29-34 some blind me where sitting alongside the road Jesus was walking down, they heard Jesus was coming so they did the only thing they knew how to do, they yelled for Him.  Guess what happened?  Yep, they where rebuked by the crowd (the ones who where following Jesus) and told to be quiet, maybe they where being too loud?

In Matthew 21:15-17, the children where in the temple shouting and praising Jesus, the chief Priests (Religious leaders) where "indignant".

So in all three stories well meaning people who needed Jesus where either rebuked by Disciples, followers of Jesus, or Chief Priests.  In other words, they made church people mad.

So what does "rebuked" and "indignant" mean:

Rebuke: to criticize sharply : reprimand (Webster's)

Indignant: anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean

Inc Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary., Includes Index., 10th ed. (Springfield, Mass., U.S.A.: Merriam-Webster, 1996, c1993).

So first of all these people that needed Jesus where criticized sharply, or reprimanded by church people, and embarrassed in front of groups for simply trying to get to Jesus.  lovely.

Second of all, the chief Priest's anger was aroused because the children where being just too loud in the temple (the church) and that is "unworthy".  oh the horror.

So, let's talk about today:  Do we really make people feel welcome?  Or do our visitors feel like this:

People outside of our church walls may not always know (or care) about our unwritten "rules and regulations" about how we think they should look and/or act when they walk into our buildings.  However, shouldn't the focus be more on being actually thankful they are there searching for Hope in our House.

Think about it and when visitors come, and they will, put out the welcome mat instead of the stop sign.

Have a wonderful day, Chris